Well, my life is unbelievably complicated, as usual. But I’m starting to realize that it is always going to be like this. Life is overwhelming in general. Whether you’re 4 years old, or you’re in school, or you’re rich or poor or beautiful or hideous. Life is always going to be complicated. It’s in our nature. It’s one of the side effects of having one of the most complex masses of tissue in the universe crammed into our skulls. We get bored. Whether or not we are aware, we get bored, and we complicate things. Or we at least make ourselves believe they’re complicated. Along with this realization comes the apathy toward trying to simplify things. Trying to simplify things is just another form of making them more complicated.
It helps, though. Knowing that these complications are a constant. It brings relief. “Ease of mind.” It gives me the ability to let go. Which is another thing humans have trouble with. Rendering control. But as soon as you can realize that nothing you do will change any of this, you can kick back and float down the river like you always wanted to.
One day I hope to be an unyielding, stronghold of calmness. It’s as close as a human can come to being invincible. To be completely untouchable. To let life’s big, scary decisions bounce off your shoulders. To laugh at the idea of people being angry, or jealous, or greedy. To be so far away from those natural human tendencies, they’re nothing but a faint whisper in my frontal lobe. This is my goal. Be it for me, or my parents, or my friends, or my unborn children…but my goal is to be better.
And the way things are going lately, it seems like the only worthwhile thing to focus on.